everyone who came to my blog asked me the same question
all about archive..
"y cant i see your archive" or "where can i click to your archive?"
its all about the archive..
all about the past..

looking back..
400+ entry but one entry to be seen on the blog..
wat has happened in the past?
what has caused me to the person now..
y am i like tat now..?
its all bcoz of the past..

i start this blog on 8/7/04..
my first entry.. an unforgettable love for my bf..
i started to write blog bcoz of him.
broke up for 2 mths le.. yet i still cant forget him..
n bcoz of some incident. i start this blog..
writing down my thoughts.. my feelings..
my sorrows.. my sadness.. how i cried almost everyday after the break up..
how i cried during my last paper.. *coz we broke up de day b4 the last paper*
hes da onli guy who make me cried so much for..
n bcoz of him..
i tld myself..
nv to fall for someone le..
nv will i get myself so badly hurt again..
i will be da strong.. n nv will i put in 100% of my heart to anyone..
i swear to myself.. nv will i go n love someone truthfully..

guys come n go in my life..
but nv once i let them stay in my heart..
coz..
1. im afraid to fal in love again..
2. i dun wan to get hurt again..
all my buddies and gfs know tat de guys come n go like wind..
and i dun realli make the effort to do anything abt it..
for this past 3 yrs..
nthing at all..

until my last ex..
i tot its time to settle down n stop being sooo foolish in relationship..
i tot he can b da one for me..
but i was wrong..
he was nv meant to be..
mine

im veri contented with my life..
good life.. happi..
but theres someting i always lack of it..
and tats love..
but i always have other things to replace it..
having a good life.. happi family.. good frenz arnd me.. always substitute love..
i know i doing fine without it..
and i know that love is not wat i can have..
relationship means nothing to me..
those that are close to me know how low confidence i haf in relationship..
how i can always juz gif up super easily on one..
like i said before.. im juz not someone who make ppl stay..
and i dun even wan to try to convince myself that someone out there is da one for me..
im alreadi over that stage..
over the fantasy of falling in love..

until u came along..
still remember the first day we meet?
short.. but having lots of fun..
met at kfc..
coz was talking abt kfc de day b4 we meet..
den we went over to jurong point..
walk arnd..
talk..
n making fun of him.. like so easy to bully like tat..
was poking all over him..
den took a bus back home..
n he alighted b4 me..
straight away he send me a msg.. tellin me tat he regret alightin from the bus..

still remember the first time u throw urself on me..
at the void deck of pioneer mall while waiting for derick..
u say my hairs smell good..
n keep wanting to smell them..
den i keep disturbing about u n jie jie getting together..
something that i wrote abt tat day!!

its been quite some time since a guy confessed to me le..
my guy fren beri funni..
quite obvious tat he like me le..
wen i try to dig something out from him..
hes quite alert.. n wont let me dig anyhting out from him..
everytime sae wat classified.. cannot sae..
but dunoe y ydae.. he confessed to me..
hes da guy who accompany me to meet de magician la.
den after tat as it end arnd 12++
we took a cab to his house..
*dun anyhow think hoh.. i wait dwnstairs for him to go back his house to get the car key to send me home*
den he drove back to my house de void deck..
den i went home to print his proj tat he send to me in the afternoon..
wen i finish printing his proj.. i went out of my house to pass to him..
coz all da while hes waiting outside my place de lift there..
wen i pass him the thing.. he asked me to pei him eat supper..
so i was like dun wan.. but he pull me into the lift. so bobian..
den went over to his car..
instead of taking supper..
he suddnely beri quiet.. lean on his car.. den hold onto both my arms..
i was like "huh.. u ok ma?"
*abit stupid rite.. since its like quite obvious*
den he sae.. "isnt it beri obvious.. do i realli have to spell it out.."
den i still act blur.. "huh" think i beri li hai in acting blur.. hahahaa,...
den he like bobian sae he likes me.. hahhaa.. but beri funni la.. coz he like super shy..
in the end.. we didnt go to take supper but to sit in his car n talk..
talk for quite long.. till 4 like tat..
hes da one who send me abt my horoscope which i post on my last entry..
so by using tat, i keep askin me whether he can tahan de bad bad me..
hahhaa..
even eugene sae de horoscope is so me lo..
slowly slowly..
he start to tell me all his classified..
he sae he like my smile alot..
i was like "huh.. dotx.."
tats y he keep asking me to smile more las time..
he sae as though theres a radient surrounding me wenever i smile..
how i show my tiger teeth.. n how my eyes will go up wen i smile..
i was like huh.. i dun even noe tat..
he observe me until like tat lo.. so stun!!

sweeetx...


still remember the first day e get together..?
the 3 tasks that u need to do..
in the end.. u effortlessly did all 3 tasks..*muacks*
u realli show me tat u wiling to do many things for me..
and da funny thing is that.. we nearly broke up on the first day we get together..
something happen at jurong hill..
rite??
seems like so long le..
time flies..

under ur genius calculation.. u still gt 2000+ weeks to hug kiss and adore me..


still remmeber the first time u sae u love me via sms?
our msgs to each other bcome ultra sweet tat day..
u will show me tian chang di jiu and yong you everything..
and yesh.. last forever..


still remember tat u r "forced" to sae u love me on at the bridge at clark quay..
u sae it very fast n slow at the first time..
so have to ask u repeat it again..
but u like kana forced.. so poor thing.. but beri cute..


i always like de way u looked at me..
de adoraation in ur eyes..
de way u will have that look wenever im arnd..
wen i come out from the changing room with something tat suit me..
u will have that beri stunning amaze adoration look
ur look ur adoration nv leave me..
love the way u adore me sweetheart..

love all da small small action tat u do..
u can juz kneel down n help me wear my heels..
take de fish bone out before putting de fish into my plate..
cook food for me..
sending n fetching me from schl..
msging me even wen hes with his fren..

haha..

xiao beng beng...
thats 2 things i could do for u..
is to love u and to love u more than i love u now..

coz u r my xin fu..

caught a crazy girl on 6:52 PM.