sometime it makes me wonder y am i in this world??
am i here..
to b a good daughter, good frenz... good watever???
nahx..
i dun think so...
i think im here..
to let ppl vent their anger at me..
to blame me on everything tat is happening..
coz im always de jinx??
isnt it?
tats how i feel...
deep inside...
but who will ever noe???
NOONE...
i try to b happi..
i try to b cheerful...
i try to b nice..
i try my best to b a good frenz..
i try my best to b a good daughter..
i try my best...
i seriously do..
i try to b there for every frenz..
b it.. a pair of listening ear... or advices..
i try to b good for my parents..
but my mom nv tell im good enough...
i try my best le..
i beri beri tired le..
tired till i can juz jump n drop dead..
at least i will feel much much more better...
*woah... one tear juz fall wifout me wanting to..*
im juz too useless le..
damn too useless le...

everyone will tot tat i will b happi
coz new yr finally here..
i can take red packet, wear new clothes..
but is tat realli impt??
where my heart is like sobbing non-stop for this few days???
my mom not understanding at all..
she is sick..
i noe..
but does she noe tat i am more sick
more tired den she is...
she dunoe..
coz i nv told her...
i dun wan her to worry..
so i try my best to tahan..
help her in doing her chores n stuffs..
she haf been coughing non-stop..
n she is like keep telling me..
*see.. im alreadi sick liao.. y nv help?? but in fact is tat she keep pushing my chores n more chores to me.. and wen im doing the first chore she wan me to do.. she scold me sae y nv do the second chore.. she dun even gif me de time to do..*
im sick..
beri sick..
i haf difficulties in breathing..
i even scare myself..
is like..
sudeenly ur lungs is out of breathe..
n u r grasping for air..
n ur breathing sound like u having asthma..
tats de sound of how i breathe rite now..
at this veri moment...
*but onli alex noe abt this.. coz he heard de noise over the phone.. even though i try not to let him noe*
im thinking tat it wont b surprised tat i suddenly happen in the obituary one dae..
bcoz i haf.. shld i sae rise to heaven... dun think so.. i think sank to hell..
coz i haben done my job as a frenz.. as a daughter..
coz im not worthy enough to do tat...
im juz too useless..
too worthless..
too shity..

pardon me everyone who read this..
if somehow or another i offended u..
u haf my apologies..
coz i seriously dun deserve to b a frenz or relative or urs....
im sorri

caught a crazy girl on 1:54 PM.